On the very extreme side of being of a forgiving nature lies the idea that all should be forgiven regardless of the transgression and the harm that it may have caused. I think that’s absurd and just gives people license to do whatever they want without having to worry about any consequences.
The next level suggests that forgiveness is appropriate if the transgressor apologizes and very importantly, makes restitution. Depending on the transgression, I tend to agree with this idea but sometimes restitution just isn’t even possible. Let’s say somebody breaks into your home and then rapes and kills your daughter! How in the world can somebody like that ever make that up to you? They can’t. It’s simply an unforgivable event. Legally, maybe he will be forgiven after spending 30 years in prison but that doesn’t mean that YOU have to forgive him.
On the other side of the coin, what are you to do when after you mess up, you try and make restitution and your attempts to do so really should clear the slate but the person on the receiving end of these attempts just won’t have any part of it; is unwilling to give you the opportunity to make things right? Should you continue to beat yourself up for having messed up? I say no. Sure, you can have regrets and wish that you had never gone there. The fact is, however, that you did but at least you tried to clean it up. If that effort goes
unnoticed and unappreciated, I believe that you have earned the right to cut yourself a break and move on. If you hold onto it, get angry about it, then you
end up unnecessarily hurting yourself.
It’s a complicated subject because it is one involving all kinds of emotions and is therefore very hard to address with a detached and unbiased view. We’re human, we make mistakes and we should own those mistakes, try to the extent possible to mitigate the damages, do the next right thing and then get
back to living in the present and moving forward.
I do know this….if you dwell on resentments and anger on the“wronged” side of the ledger and if you live with endless guilt and shame on the “transgressor” side of the equation;……..You will be STUCK in the
I'm not saying I'm right or wrong about any of this; just my opinion. Yours?